Why You Fight on Date Night

Author: Cheri Timko

Posted On November 4, 2022

I was so glad that no one could hear us! We were yelling at one another in the car on the ride home. Somewhere during our date, we started up an old argument. It seemed to come out of nowhere.

Dinner was great. We enjoyed answering the weekly Conversation Questions. This was during our year-long weekly date commitment. Most of the dates went well. In fact, the regular time together meant we rarely argued. Tonight, our date tanked.

Have you had the same experience? A perfectly planned date night takes an terrible detour.

You planned the time together because you missed your partner. In fact, you have longed for uninterrupted time when you could connect and feel close. You know that you need time and space to feel like you did at the beginning of the relationship.

You got everything in place to finally get some quality time with your spouse away from the house. It’s what you have been looking forward to for days.

But then…

In a single moment, your hopes went up in smoke. Maybe you recognize yourselves in one of these:

Dates implode in 3 ways:

1. The Non-Starter Date

A non-starter date blows up at the beginning. It never gets off the ground due to unexpected (or expected) problems. One of you runs late, feels sick, or feels tired. You argue about what to do on your date.

2. The Mid-Date Bomb

A mid-date bomb is when one of you says or does the wrong thing (or doesn't say or doesn't do the right thing). It derails the whole night.

3. Date Night Expectations

Date night expectations have two forms:

Next thing you know, both of you feel irritated, angry, and more disconnected than before. You start arguing to protest the injustice. It feels just like all of the injustices that have ever happened in the past. You wonder if you chose the wrong partner. Where is the lovable person who started this journey with you?

Chances are, you chose the right person, but your marriage is starving. Date night arguments usually happen when it's been ages since you spent any "alone time" together. You aren’t spending enough time together to feel close or to solve problems. When this happens in any marriage, the couple argues on their dates.

There is hope! You don’t have to argue on your dates. A little bit of thought and planning can avoid many of the pitfalls.

Choose one or two of the tips and try them out. It's worth the effort so that you can get what you want from the time you spend together. If it doesn't work, come back to the list and try something else.

Your time together is precious. Don't sacrifice it to date night arguing. Instead, plan ahead so that you can resolve arguments before they even begin.

If you go on a date and it does turn into an argument, it's ok. All couples argue sometimes. Even in the best relationships.